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the waiting has just begun.

12/17/2017

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​I naively assumed that the waiting would be over as soon as God allowed me to conceive. But even after the Wonder Woman, October 31st shock of my life, I have still been holding my breath and waiting.
 
But this time the waiting doesn’t feel so alone. It’s now a collective holding of the breaths that Jason and I share. Since Halloween, together we’ve held hands, our breaths, and our plans until the following appointment on November 8th. “All we want is a heartbeat,” we repeat to ourselves and each other.
 
And so the agony of waiting once again crept alongside us, like an old friend. You know the kind. The ones who are close-talkers, who arrive way to early, start digging through your frig and begin eating the perfectly round cheese ball long before any of the other guests arrive.
 
That’s how waiting feels; the uninvited guest. The annoying close-talker. The one who gets close enough to whisper all the doubts you are trying so hard to push out with a lot of work and filler noise. 
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    whimsy?

    The Big Bang Theory, Series 03 Episode 23 – The Lunar Excitation
     
    Sheldon: I don’t drink coffee.
    Howard: All right, you can have a hot chocolate. Sheldon: As I will not be engaging in this nonsense, my choice of beverage is moot. But for the record, I only drink hot chocolate in months with an R in them. Howard: Why?
    Sheldon: What’s life without whimsy?
     
    As silly as it sounds, maybe Sheldon was on to something. 

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