Aussie White, Poopie McPooperson, The Great and Mighty Mighty Pooperson, Snuggles died peacefully alongside her parents of fourteen years on Tuesday, July 28th under the care of Cornelia Veterinary Hospital staff (Bless Dr. Harris and all that work there!).
A manipulator from the start, Aussie convinced a naive twenty-two-year-old newly wed to bring her home on a snowy afternoon in January when Chestatee High School was issuing early release due to inclement weather, Previous caretaker, Dr. Peggy Leland, wouldn’t take “no” for an answer. “All newlyweds need a dog,” Dr. Leland said before pushing a puppy in the first year teacher’s classroom and pulling the door shut. No one refused Dr. Leland. And no one refused Greatness. It was her “ultimate sad face” that sealed the deal.
As the snow drifted on the open car door in the parking lot of Collins & Bull, CPA in downtown Gainesville, GA, her fate was sealed. Snuggled up in a blanketed wicker basket on the passenger side floorboard of a white Pontiac Grand Am, new husband of seven month, Jason White, was smitten. Having never had a pet before, only farm dogs, Jason didn’t know what he was in for. But Greatness knew. She knew she had found her match, her equal, her family.
Tales of Pooperson are what dog legends are made of. Having more phrases coined after her than Chuck Norris, one did not simply “know Greatness.” One was “in the presence of Greatness.”
Pooperson was world-renowned for her craftiness and lack of patience, able to swipe a sandwich off the countertop with a one paw swoop and devour it whole before her mom was any the wiser. This epic looting quickly became known as pirating. And her mom was her favorite unsuspecting victim.
Not holding back her opinion and a knack for telling it like it is, Pooperson’s favorite four-letter word was “Arky,” and she employed it often on her archnemeses: birds, bees, ladybugs, and doorbells (including those on tv).
Having never learned a single trick or command and refusing to come when called by any of her names, Pooperson didn’t need gimmicks to win your affection. Her smile and hot hair dryer breath (“the wind of Greatness”) were enough. And contrary that her name suggests, she did not “snuggle” but simply allowed others to sit in close proximity, though this occasion was rare and usually documented with photographic evidence.
Her greatest accomplishments were many. After all, she was Greatness.
She survived being hit by a car at a young age.
A diagnosis of heart worms and proceeding treatment.
Four moves, including an unsatisfactory extended stay in “the tiny shit house.”
A kitten sibling for seven years that she covertly treasured, beloved Racooney.
Her daddy’s prolonged battle with nighttime seizures.
Her mommy’s prolonged battle with infertility.
And a monumental amount of tears that came with both.
Pooperson was a woman of great faith. She did not shy away from her feelings but embraced them. She knew she was the foundation to which her parent’s successful marriage was built upon. After all, she was the name her father could say after a seizure. Not his wife’s. Not his mother’s. But “Aussie.”
She survived the introduction of her little brother, Quigley, Mr. Wiggles in 2015.
And the miraculous twin pregnancy and birth of her chickens, Crews and Ryder, in 2018.
Pooperson was an early Jedi Master and adored all three of her young Padawan pupils.
The force was strong with her.
And she continued her craftiness mentorship program all the way, till the very end.
Beating the average life span of a dog by two years, if it’s not clear by now, Pooperson was anything but average. Being diagnosed last July with congestive heart failure, the cardiologist at Blue Pearl in Atlanta gave Greatness at most, six months to live out her days. Challenge accepted, she concluded. Defying those odds, she doubled the expectation placed upon her. She had much to live for. In the last two years alone, she witnessed her chickens crawl towards her fluffy tail in amazement, pull up and stand to touch her soft ears (her greatest feature), walk towards her then quickly learn to run. And call out her name in excitement when they saw her patiently waiting at the bottom of the stairs. “Poo Poo!,” they would scream.
Only her subjects were permitted to her call that. And yes, she did allow it. She secretly loved it. Because she not-so-secretly loved them! After all, they paid homage in the form of constant chicken hugs and a rainstorm of snacks from their tiny fingers and tiny high chairs.
Pooperson was rare and allusive, preferring to be a home body than a world traveler.
She was a firm negotiator. Stubborn. Persistent. And deeply, deeply loyal.
As said by her daddy on the way home from her last breath, “what will we now talk about?”
But that’s the thing.
You can never stop talking about Pooperson.
Her story is too grand.
Her legacy is too great.
Her impact is too insurmountable.
We will never stop talking about the love and life of Aussie White.
Her heart “gave way,” they said. But her love, never will.
At the wishes of Her Majesty’s family (yes, her legal name), give your furry children an extra hug, belly rub, and treat today. Basically, whatever they want. Pooperson commands it.
The Big Bang Theory, Series 03 Episode 23 – The Lunar Excitation